How Attending a Paul Simon Concert Made Me Feel Old

Yeah, I got into a fight with the twenty-somethings in front of us at the Paul Simon concert and realized I am too old for this shit. I asked them to PLEASE be quiet and got mooned (by an unattractive, pasty white female butt, more's the pity).

This is how I know I'm old:

1. I went to a Paul Simon concert. The guy is old. His first hit album was in 1965 and I remember it, therefore I am old. He didn't wear his trademark baseball cap. Fortunately though, our seats were so far away, the blinding reflection from his balding pate did not affect us. We were so far away that he was the size of my pinky. Or is that his actual height?
   
   
2. The aroma of pot wafting through the theater was nauseating me. It's been a long time since I have been subjected to anyone smoking anything inside a building. I noticed that Chris seemed to be taking very deep breaths though.
   
3. My cell phone was turned OFF during the concert and I didn't use it to talk, send or receive texts, take pictures or videotape. I guess young people are used to the distraction of a glowing screen nearby. Not me.
   
   
4. I actually listened to the concert and didn't carry on a conversation with my companions. I figured I paid a lot to see and hear Paul Simon and I wanted to get my money's worth. I assume people around me feel the same way. Apparently some youngsters just think of a concert as background noise for their social interactions. Maybe they have a money tree at home.
   
5. I didn't drink during the concert and was appalled that they allowed alcohol in the theater itself. The Fox Theater in Oakland was recently renovated and is gorgeous (for now- it won't be for long with drunks in the seats). Plus the brats in front of us kept getting up to get more booze. They probably spent as much time going back and forth as they did in their seats.
   Since I am old, I am used to people sipping champagne in the lobby during the intermission, not guzzling vodka from plastic cups in the audience. Van Morrison doesn't allow alcohol sales during his concerts. He's a cranky and old like me.
6. My bladder couldn't last through a 2 hour concert. It's sad. I'm old. But at least I waited until the end of a song to leave and return.

The concert itself was great. He alternated new songs with old favorites. The band was impressive because they all doubled up or tripled up on other instruments, i.e. the bass played blew the sax and the drummer played a mean washboard. His voice has never been great and age is not improving it. (He needs Artie although Artie's voice is probably shot, too.) His great talent is songwriting and his new album seems to have some gems. I'll be listening to recordings a lot since I am too old for live shows now.