Further Parenting Advice

Your baby will always be your baby.
 Diane Brown told me that 25 years ago but I didn't completely believe her. Then, as Mike grew, I was astounded to learn that my maternal instinct to protect and defend him did not abate even when he outgrew me. Then, after our last visit with him in July,  I started to think our relationshiip was mellowing into a less mama bear and cub one.
Then I got the phone call at 6 a.m. He started out saying, "Don't panic." No words were ever less reassuring. He had hit his head during a basketball game, was taken to the hospital by ambulance and received 6 staples to the back of his head. Chris immediately started searching for flights to DC. I didn't go but I did make him call me every couple of hours to let me know he hadn't slipped into a coma.
I was a wreck. And, the same day, I discovered that my first pumpkin ever was dead on the vine. And even my sunflowers are facing into the neighbor's yard, away from me.

Children must learn to face consequences.
My friend, Angeline, was the Queen of Consequences. She used to say, "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine." You have a report due tomorrow and haven't started but the library closes in an hour? That's unfortunate. Maybe you'll start earlier next time. When other parents were trotting to school with their kids' forgotten lunches or gym shorts, her kids faced the music and went hungry or got detention.

Angeline passed away recently and much too soon. I know her kids will miss her terribly. But she really prepared them to be independent and they will be fine adults. Angeline was beautiful and dynamic and funny.

She drove me crazy sometimes. For one thing, she set limits for me as clearly as she did with the kids. And her need to over-organize made things so complicated. But she taught me a lot about recognizing people's strengths and letting them shine in their own way.

The world is a more boring place without her.